I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
