I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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