OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
