U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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