if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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