She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
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