Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize