ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
