totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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