I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
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