does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
So many bounce houses so little time
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
