I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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