so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
