is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Is this like a preordered booty call?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize