On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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