It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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