I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
