He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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