sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
whose parrot is this?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
