I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Two words: nipple clamps
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