this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
