She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize