I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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