you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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