I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
