There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I just gargled with NyQuil
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
