I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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