no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
you're hired as official boob wrangler
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize