Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I think i got beer on your cat.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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