lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
