The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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