I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
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