Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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