My hand turned me down
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
