there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
