I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
