Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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