hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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