Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Randomize
