You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
