Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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