there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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