Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
