I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
