her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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