I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
why is half of my head shaved?
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