How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
