i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize