worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
