Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Randomize