Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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