I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
