Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
