fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
