He kissed a someone with a penis
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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