I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
