Soap is not a condiment
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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