So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
