After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
