hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
