McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
