even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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