my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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