i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Randomize
