She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
