i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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