Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
