Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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