wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize