i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
