I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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