he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Randomize
