i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
