Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize