Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
